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Transfixed – Some Thoughts

September 1, 2016

Swathes of light sweep over the carpet, I watch them, transfixed, waiting for inspiration. Not sure what I am looking for in those passing glimpses of light and texture. Just waiting for my mind to wake up and find something, anything. It seems I have long been half asleep, drifting along in a dull state of mind. Only reacting to threats, and avoiding taking chances I may later regret. Falling back on what I feel sure of, on what I feel I can control. A reactive being, no creativity, no imagination to offer, just a set of cause and effect responses that I enact with trigger-like speed and precision.

Unable to draw from within, to find some reserves of artistry in there, relying on what the world around me may bring my way. Like these swathes of light, passing me by, while I only watch them, hoping somehow to be transported along into some new understanding, some new way of looking at things. But the light cannot show me what to see, unless I first stop telling myself what to see. I must not filter out all that doesn’t fit my presumptions, I must get a grip on the filter and detach from some of its tendencies. Its habits and expectations, that have made my experience grow ever more stale and predictable.

Things only justify what I had been thinking all along, as all else I refuse to see or be open to the possibility of. The swathes of light unveil nothing new, for I have already decided what lies there before the light sweeps over it. I must break this pattern, this stolidity of thought. But to do this I must let go of some of my usual emotional reactions. Imagination cannot get to grips with a thing, when emotional responses rush to their own conclusions. The chain of cause and effect, the habits of mind, must be broken, much more freedom is hereby found than in any overt political act or posturing behavior. In this simple, quiet, static action, I can take some control.

From → Philosophy, Poetry

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