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Too distant, too present (rambling thoughts)

September 29, 2016

The games the filth of this earth play

disgust me and make my heart decay

Why bother, why be kind

to those who are dumb and blind.

Why put your heart out there

to be stamped upon by those who don’t care.

The same old crap,

the same old trap.

The same righteous anger

the same revenge on my mind

an unquenchable first for death

to me or to those who I judge blind.

To function on this level is the most painful

I feel the pain of all the emotions without understanding often where they come from

I am rationally distant while being emotionally too present

Emotionally sensitive to any disrespect of me

but emotionally insensitive to mine and others well-being concerns.

I am in the clouds mentally, but I get struck by lightning every now and then emotionally.

No way to comprehend what has hit me,

only made more repulsed by similar emotions next time

Till no emotions are left to me, just a disinterested exterior,

hiding inside a repressed emotional turmoil.

With no outlet, no means of expression,

other than a blank, arbitrary anger, followed by depression.

I am facing a wall, a wall of hate

my own or others, I can’t tell to rate.

But it cannot be overcome, for I will never give way

till the whole wall is crumbled in one instant decay.

I will hold my ground on what I know

my awareness is not wrong, and I will show

all those who doubt me and try to distract my vision

this is my ground and my decision.






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