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Self-Consuming Disease

January 17, 2017

Out of words, out of ideas to describe this disgust,

the cancer eats away and all I can do is watch.

Watch in impotence as my father is taken

by the ravages of the self-consuming disease.

The battle has been fought so long,

sometimes I hope it would just be over,

the misery and pain ended once and for all,

but then I stop myself in disgust.

Am I wishing for my father gone?

I turn inwards to hurt myself,

bring myself down to my knees,

pointless self-inflicted pain and anguish.

No goal, no purpose, nor aim.

Yet its all I can do, for I feel I must suffer.

I shouldn’t be healthy and content,

while the death throes take my dad.

I should be damaged, I should be destroyed.

I should bleed and I should fall.

Its what I deserve for my failure,

my inability to help stop this nightmare.



  1. n.b.z. permalink

    I truly appreciate this poem. I really resonate with these words as I myself have been through the same with my late grandfather. Hope you’ll feel better soon, you got this!!

    • Thank you, it’s all I have right now, is to try and express it somehow, but there is so much positive for me to take from my dad’s life, I hope I can keep all that in mind

  2. Ok stop beating on yourself Jon –seriously – there is nothing wrong with wanting peace for someone you love . And you are allowed to be ok just because someone you love isn’t doesn’t mean you should suffer. What the crap Jon just what the crap. Stop beating yourself up !! ❤❤

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