Only minutes away, but feels like miles
the faded joys, the tears and smiles
Out of touch, and out of mind
Lost memories I cannot find.
There is no reaching anymore
hope lays too low to the floor
Waiting for a miracle that simply cannot be
Lies a blindness, that will never end in “I can see!”
Filth now roam this earth
Of virtue remains a dearth
Self respect has been taken
Honour has been forsaken
Good deed gets no reward
Lies and stealing are above board
Violence is in more accord
With the growing hate-filled hoard
Why contribute to this facade
this orgy that leaves us all scarred?
Why legitimise all their evil actions
being strung along by their distractions?
Our culture is hollowed out,
by an elite with all the clout
Our democracy is ransacked and stolen
by rich people, with purses overly swollen
Our freedom is paralysed in fear
by the medias crocodile tears
by our leaders who cried wolf too many times
justifying wars with no reason or rhyme.
Left in stark terror of the other
exploiters rape what is left of our cover.
Yet I am free to sit here on my own
to go over these thoughts and bemoan
to powerlessly worry and groan
with no channel through which to atone.
Thanks to that great liberal ideal
Left in private our wounds can congeal
Can form into a monstrous, horrible shape
over which a cloth we can drape
a cloth to represent our shame
our guilt, self-pity and disgust
humanity become weak, lost and tame
in front of a screen feeling bored and non-plussed
I think this is something we have to start coming to terms with. I grew up around leftist ideals and beliefs. I was in university during the New Labour , Tony Blair, years here in the UK. I was never a strong follower of leftist ideas, partly because I saw quite quickly at university how such ideas had become entwined with post-modernist, pluralist ideas, which, thanks to good training in philosophy, I was able to quite quickly punch through the holes in its shoddy reasoning processes, and its fallacious reading of modernity and western culture.
However, my emotional attachments were still on the leftist side, and I really wanted to be able to make something good or worthwhile of it. So I leaned toward humanist ideas for a while. This seemed like a good progressive, leftist, base to start from. My problem here was soon apparent when I realised how for many humanists, their humanism was conflated, or was really just a surface disguise, for a hatred of past western religions, and any belief in a god in general. Now, I am not one to bring god into an argument, as a get out of jail free card, but neither am I one to kid myself that I have rational arguments that undermine all faith and belief. Such is a ludicrous idea, that could only enter the minds of people with very little understanding of the impulsive and instinctive sides of their own minds. Or of people who compartmentalise this part of their mind, secularise it, balkanise it even, into daily life practices that their reasoning processes are happily insulated from.
I mean its pretty clear, its not far from here to a general moral degeneration of ones practices, and a trend to irrealism in ones thoughts and ideas. If our thoughts and our practices are disconnected/balkanised in this way, then there is nothing to keep them within reasonable bounds. Nothing to keep our moral ideas and practices within feasible margins and expectations. You cannot tell someone to be selfless and equal for all, and seriously expect them to live to this moral principle in their life. Instead they will just speak big at convenient moments, say on twitter, throwing empty sentiments around and being bigoted to people who dare question their deluded narrative, while back in daily life they just get up to the same old selfish practices as anyone else, and usually worse, because they have no moral compass for their daily practices.
So once more, a path to appease my leftist emotional attachments was clearly blocked to me. I then turned to Liberalism. I devoured works on Liberty from the extremes of Herbert Spencer and his man and the state, to Thomas Paine and his rights of man. To John Locke and his social contract and notion of tolerance. To Jeremy Bentham and Mill. To Hobhouse, to Hobson, to Karl Popper’s open society and its enemies, to Hayek’s Road to Serfdom. To Isaiah Berlin. I even supported the Liberal Democrat party here in the UK for a while, only to have my hopes dashed and wrecked on the rocks of the media and party politics, on the beach.
As much as it once again failed to fulfill my naive leftist ambitions, it did atleast give me a sense of a historical tradition and culture of the western world that I could be proud of and use as some sort of base for reasonableness.
The final blow to Leftist ideas for me was really not a specific time or event, but a gradual process over time, whereby one day I woke up and realised, as in the title of this post, that the left is simply bankrupt. It is out of steam, its ideas are no longer helpful to anyone, they are just there like a bad habit that people can’t shake. I think we need to realise, and fast, that pluralism has failed, multiculturalism has failed. Fatalistically blaming corrupt social systems and structures has also failed. Selfless principles of equality and justice, do not bring justice and happiness for all, they merely lead to a raid on your happiness by selfish people till you have nothing left to give. For those rich people and celebrities who can afford to be philanthropists, by all means keep up the good work, but don’t try to shame us all into your way of thinking. Good deeds may come cheap to you, to us they more likely will cost us our own basic needs of self worth, dignity and respect and health and well being.
We cannot have multi-culture, we either have a culture of our own or we submit to another culture, there is no third way. There is a transitional period of assimilation, of course, but there is not a permanent steady state of multi-culture. This is not an option. We see now the instability of this current state of attempted multi-culture in Europe. No-go zones, more regular terrorism, refugee and immigrant ghettos, rape epidemics, hate preachers, etc.. So, do we want to defend our cultural traditions or do we not? The left says, no, we should be ashamed and guilt ridden and embarrassed of our cultural past, and anyone who is not, we should quickly find a way to call them racist. Well I say, if this is what the left must be, then the left is simply bankrupt, if it has no base or ground of its own to stand on, then it must fall and at free fall speed. If it has no perspective other than to attempt the impossible, to be selfless, all it will do is exterminate itself.
We need to get beyond this leftist hangover, and start reparations. We have cultural traditions of liberty, of tolerance, of science, of endeavour and industriousness, lets embrace these traditions and get down to work rebuilding the west. Lets not play victims of hazy corrupt systems and social structural inequalities. Lets remember that human energy and agency builds these systems and structures and we are as active a part of that as anyone else. The left does not have a monopoly on ideas, we need to turn this tide, as the leaders of the leftist movement are hell bent on shipwrecking us, because for them it is no problem if we are attacked by pirates, they know where all the buried treasure is.
Feelings newly awaken
thought long lost and forsaken
The volcano long dormant and still
bursts into life with a shrill
Enthusiasm I must contain
naive emotions I must restrain
Would that I could just embrace
take it all on board face to face
Then I might be for once content
no longer would others I resent.
For now it seems like an impossible dream
as my reality bursts apart at the seams.
I can’t help but control, I can’t help but get jealous
I have little wealth, and I’m not selfish or zealous
I rely on an honesty and decency that is rare
I rely on a refined ability to feel and care
I only offer to you what I am
No pretense, no show, no scam
So I have nothing to fall back to
if this way fails, I am stricken through and through.
Maybe I should create some layers of fluff
to insulate me from the harsh worldly stuff
I just really cannot be bothered to play this game
why plummet into a bottomless pit of shame?
These are the hooks by which we are lost
herded and rounded up with no rest or riposte
My thoughts and my gaze may seem scary
but please suffer it, do not be weary.
I see deeply into the matter
I know the contrived pitter patter
But lets forego this empty ritualised playbook
rules and regulations always come unstuck
focus on what we have here, and now
embrace it, through all else quickly plow.
The day it all ended
on my head has descended
the final stake, is driven into my heart
from this world I can now depart
I know that I tried, I tried well and hard
but all my efforts were suffocated and marred
don’t give me some psycho babble
with which my mind can dabble
I do appreciate the concern
but all these efforts are spurned
Nothing is wrong with me and nothing ever was
I don’t need no explanations, no, “you are like this because…”
I am just destined to be alone, until I can stand it no more
when all hope is gone, and I must collapse to the floor.
Don’t tell me I can change, I am happy who I am
others move further out of range, but I can’t afford to give a damn
I must be true to myself despite all the rejection
I cannot fall for the trap of the self-hate infection
no more compromise and no more giving way
you chose to destroy me, I didn’t have any say.
But what I say now is this
give me one last moment of bliss
as the blood in me runs cold
to your body , my body, please hold
You think you can understand, you think you can care
but you know nothing of what I have had to bear
When you try many things, and nothing succeeds
it all just leads back to the same old patterns and deeds.
when the world has made its decision that you will be rejected
there is nothing in the argument that can be interjected
no reason, no excuse, nothing can be put in place
to ease the despair and loneliness I must face
I have tried many times, for nothing, no result
the world has shunned me, but claims its my fault
yeh yeh, self pity, self pity, so fucking what
I tried to care for others and you gave me squat
Back to the same old pattern, that will be my death
revenge unachievable , against an enemy that left
An enemy that scarred and destroyed my soul
then ran away, leaving me with a gaping bleeding hole
a vacant, hollowed out husk of disgust
is all I can cling to, like grating rust
it scratches and screeches against my skin
with each day I relive and let that enemy once again win
someone has to pay , but no one will stand up to me
the depths of anguish cause them all to flee
Left all alone to chew at myself
and watch as down trickles my wealth
nothing left but self pity
and a life dull and shitty
I didnt deserve any of it, but it happened anyway
so what can you do , and what can you say
no more rationalisations, no more delusions
no more excuses, and mental confusions
just end it all, once and forever
this vain, fruitless, frustrated endeavour
End it quick and end it fast
consign my misery to the past
Please do not love me, there is nothing in there
Just kill me fast, and end this despair
I will love you for the deed
for uprooting this shallow weed
It would be some sweet justice, in my dying moment
that for one brief second, love saw through my torment.