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Self-Consuming Disease

Out of words, out of ideas to describe this disgust,

the cancer eats away and all I can do is watch.

Watch in impotence as my father is taken

by the ravages of the self-consuming disease.

The battle has been fought so long,

sometimes I hope it would just be over,

the misery and pain ended once and for all,

but then I stop myself in disgust.

Am I wishing for my father gone?

I turn inwards to hurt myself,

bring myself down to my knees,

pointless self-inflicted pain and anguish.

No goal, no purpose, nor aim.

Yet its all I can do, for I feel I must suffer.

I shouldn’t be healthy and content,

while the death throes take my dad.

I should be damaged, I should be destroyed.

I should bleed and I should fall.

Its what I deserve for my failure,

my inability to help stop this nightmare.



Secular Morality?

Can there be a purely secular and rational approach to ethics and morality?

The common attempts come in the form of some version of utilitarianism or in some form of deontological approach, or a contractual view of morality. On one side we are told universally to promote well-being of humans. On the other we are told to find universalizable laws of behavior to govern our conduct among others, as in the Kantian categorical imperative.

Although I feel there may be some benefit to both. I don’t think either has succeeded at giving us a clear secular morality to live by. The big problem is that without either belief, love or both, you are going to be hard pressed to find motivation to act morally. But these things are not rationally explicable. They cannot be put in some rational formula or calculation. They contain an element, not of irrationality, but of trust in our own judgment in an area of discourse where there is some uncertainty.

This key factor is always missed out on by supposedly, objective, neutral or rational and universal approaches to morality. They have to start from something certain. But this is precisely what we lack. So they make up some certainty, regarding individuals or humanity. Attach some value to it, and take that as a given. But all they have done is put their faith in that value. You cannot avoid belief in morality. Because there is no morality without some sense of love of others. And this love requires belief. It is not a natural or given thing.

Love is an intentional value, directed at others. From there, and within that context, we can start to talk about a possible morality. Not before it, and so never based on purely procedural, rational considerations. There is never a purely secular morality, but there can be a community with a more inclusive moral code. We can extend our sympathies outwards, we cannot force a sympathy inwards from universal/objective/rational considerations.

This I believe is the Kantian error, and it has consequences that are not fatal for society unless we already assumed we are in a secular world. If we never made that assumption and always accepted our background within a community and culture, then the consequences far from fatal, are in fact empowering.

Doomed Civilization

I see a divided world with little hope of healing

A failed experiment in multicultural dealing

A nihilistic elite pushing us into cultural decay

garnering a lack of belief beyond pleasures today.

We care only for our current desires,

we care not what in our society transpires.

I say this as a victim of the selfsame process,

the source of my personal anger and distress.

Lured and trapped by our own selfish vanity,

the sacred is gone, leaving only profanity.

A common melee, an orgy of destruction

with no idea or plan for future construction.

I see all this, and I say it in woe,

there is nowhere else for humanity to go.

Until we can unite and find some belief

there will never be any long term relief.

Just small scale virtue signalling and moral posturing

of a generation whose only faith is in what the future may bring.

Under the auspices of technology, from our idols, the elite,

who will shower wealth and comfort down at our feet.

Well, don’t hold your breath, this faith is misplaced,

it will soon enough be brought down and disgraced.

They don’t care for you near as much as their idol perch

they will sacrifice you all, leave you all in the lurch.

Rather than be brought down with you to the common muck,

where most of us currently find ourselves stuck.

No hopes, no joy, not even the dignity of some belief

Just endless do-goodery and shame and guilt relief.

Followed by passive intake of media lies

that only aid the elites thin disguise.

We take it all in, we are nothing but pawns

and all I can do is sit here and heap on scorn.

Awareness is not going to be a game changer

its more a crippler and emotional deranger.

It’s all part of the plan, its all part of our doom,

into which we are relentlessly being groomed.




Tired, I dream

Hiding from the light, enduring the dark

prospects not bright, but cold and stark.

At a loss for what to do or say

Things always go the same old way.

The effort to change is just too hard

The past has left me deeply scarred.

Tired, I wait for inspiration,

but find only added complications.

Yet still I hope and still I dream

this life to renew and redeem.


Thoughts on Some Books

I have been dabbling with, and dipping in and out of various books lately, so I thought I would share my thoughts on some of them:

The 21 Golden Rules of Cosmic Ordering, has been a nice little book to turn to, just to read a rule or two each morning to give me something to think about. It’s got a positive focus about our place in the world and helps you to think these things through for yourself.

The Biology of Belief by Bruce Lipton has been a mind opening experience to read. There is a lot in it, but the basic idea is to do with epigenetics, and how we are not determined/fated in our behavior and characteristics by the genes in the nucleus of our cells, but often the more important factor is how we interact with our environment and how this effects gene expression. And he further says that since how we perceive the environment effects this also, our beliefs about the environment our a key factor in how our genes will express themselves all the way down to the cellular level. Thus just be believing we are in a positive environment we will switch on cells for growth.

The Immortalization Commission is the ideas of John Gray on how this notion of pursuing human immortality has come to be a strange fetish with many. We extend life as far as possible, we see longevity as the sole value of any worth. And we have come to see death as the enemy. John Gray, shows the origins of this sentiment, and exposes its irrationality, and that we are much better off seeing and accepting death as part of the natural cycle of life.

These books have appealed to me lately for various reasons. I am trying to work on being more positive in my thoughts about myself in the world and society, and I am trying to get to grips with accepting the possibility of death due to a close loved one who is currently in a battle with cancer. The biology of belief book has just hit home with some of my own thoughts on evolution and genetics from my own experience and reading on the subject and put them in a nice succinct manner.

What interesting books are any of you reading at the moment?



Expelled from human society

banished from the human touch

filled with worry and anxiety

it all gets too much.

Surrounded by shadows, echoes from my past,

when placed among others.

Haunted by demons and ghosts,

when alone trying to recover.

No peace, no way out

no rest, no way in.

I can scream and I can shout

but no one can expunge my sin.

Missed chances, absent joy

hopeful answers to which I cloy.

The world has made its decision

the world has consigned me to hell.

I wait for the final excision,

my judgement and doom to spell.


Where am I?

Dread, disgust, hate, anger, fear, envy

the emotions cycle through my mind.

I keep a constant watch to stop a downward spiral,

it gets pretty tiring, and pretty tiresome.

Nothing left to my life but constant vigilance

always on guard, always presenting a facade.

The true me, no one will know,

it is hidden, or maybe lost.

Never to be found, either way

never to be embraced.

Buried too deep,

the surface would overwhelm it.

Kill it in a flash.